I am not a Bible scholar, or wise beyond my years, or any type of teacher of the Word but I've had a hard two years (plus) so I have grown from who and where I used to be. I've been thinking the past few days about why God gave this journey to ME. Why did he select me, Emily Powell, to suffer with secondary infertility? Why did he choose me to endure through not one, but TWO miscarriages? Or should I say, why did he allow this in my life?
And, I thought maybe I can help someone. Maybe someone is struggling too and I can comfort them in some way. Have I delivered a sibling for Georgia yet? No, no I haven't. But, I do have this fleeting thing. I say fleeting because I'm not perfect and sometimes I can't reach it (on hard days). But, just in the past few months I've gotten there for the first time. I've found my rest in the Lord. And honestly, I'm writing this right now because today IS one of those hard days. Today is one of those days that I'm angry and sad and try not to cry on the treadmill so they don't escort me out of the gym like a crazy.
But, I have to think that there is a reason for this pain. There just has to be. So, I keep coming back to the idea of how I can help others through it and maybe find their peace in God as well. I have this blog (nearly dead, receiving zero comments on most days) and I've posted about my struggles before while begging and pleading for your prayers but I've never reached out to YOU, the reader, and offered up my prayers.
I already mentioned that today (8.27.15) is a particularly difficult day so I grabbed my phone and began to listen to a Gregg Matte pod cast (through Houston's First). He is one of the most phenomenal preachers I've ever listened to and is without a doubt my favorite. I saw one titled, "Pain" so I figured I would give that a shot. It was everything I hoped it to be.
Here are a few notes I took while listening to the sermon:
My comments in blue
He was preaching from Corinthians. Written by Paul. 2 Corinthians 1:4
-He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others.
Tell our story. My comfort comes from God and I can bring comfort to others through my suffering. Misery becomes our ministry. Don't waste the trial and don't waste the pain.
Yes, this is what I've been thinking. I need to do something with my pain and with my trials.
This side of heaven misery will never feel worth it. It will always hurt.
Life will give you more than you can handle. That is fact. That is Biblical. We would never turn to God if that was the case.
I know this to be true. When your doctor tells you your baby has no heartbeat there is literally not one person on this earth who can make that pain feel better. That pain will never be gone but I can take comfort in knowing that there isn't one day of my life that God hasn't already seen. He knows the outcome of my life.
Struggling with the character of God?
I embarrassingly enough have. I'm not proud of it but I think, "why even pray if this is what I get? I'm like a toddler who's hand keeps getting slapped. I'm tired of being told no for no reason". But, I don't know the reason. God has allowed these things in my life and if I think I have a roof over my head and food in my belly because of my own doing then I am flat out wrong. God provides for my needs every single day. When I die my soul is taken care of and that's because of Him alone.
Pastor Gregg closed with these two verses:
John 16:33
I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me.
Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows.
But take heart, because I have overcome the world.
Habakkuk 3:17-18
Though the fig tree does not bud
and there are no grapes on the vines,
though the olive crop fails
and the fields produce no food,
though there are no sheep in the pen
and no cattle in the stalls,
18 yet I will rejoice in the Lord,
I will be joyful in God my Savior.
So, here is what I am saying to you. Do you need prayer? Are you struggling with infertility and feel that it's a never ending battle and need comfort? Please let me help you. You can leave a comment on this post OR if you don't feel comfortable sharing you can email me at Emily.Powell@ymail.com
When I say I will pray for you know that I will pray for you. I get down on my knees every morning and pray for my family and friends. If you're having a rough day, email me. If you need prayer, tell me. If you feel abandoned by God know that I've felt the same way but you are not! I know this is such a small drop in the bucket and there are huge ministries out there providing in ways that I could never imagine on this same topic but if I reach a few people...that's wonderful. Maybe I'll reach nobody. I don't know.
I just want you to be in a spot where you can rest in God's promises for your life. Rest in faith that He will provide and that you cannot do this on your own. I also want to add that you should not give up. Be Hannah in the temple. Cry, and plead, and beg, and PRAY for your blessing. God knows your heart and children are a heritage from the Lord. Praying for a child and praying to get pregnant is never selfish.
As for me, I see signs and hear words and read words from God everyday and know that I will have a child again someday. Not because of anything I've done to get it right. Not because I've prayed enough, or taken enough of some supplement, or because I've eliminated every chemical from my life that may, as some sources claim, effect fertility. I'm just never going to get it right. I'm not. I'm human and I fail but I can rest in God's grace and goodness. Even as I sit and write this I opened up instagram and the first photo was a picture of this verse:
Isaiah 46: 3-4
Listen to me, you descendants of Jacob,
all the remnant of the people of Israel,
you whom I have upheld since your birth,
and have carried since you were born.
4 Even to your old age and gray hairs
I am he, I am he who will sustain you.
I have made you and I will carry you;
I will sustain you and I will rescue you
Guys, God is with you always and he sees your pain and he does care. Not only will he sustain us but he will rescue us. I'm in desperate need of rescuing. Maybe you are too? If you need help with this please contact me.
{Go listen to Trust in You by Lauren Daigle}
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