May 31, 2015

When it happens...again.

Jonathan and I were praying for a baby THIS year.  I got pregnant in March making me due in December.  What a blessing we thought.  A baby this year and just under the wire.  We were praying, being prayed over, reading books, reading the Bible, fasting, so hopeful, so positive, doing everything right.  All the pieces had fallen perfectly into place.  My symptoms were strong.  My reflux was super bad and so were my aversions.  And, I found out before I was even 4 weeks along.  My at home test came back positive at 3 weeks and I only took it because I was getting nauseas in the middle of the day...everyday.


But, I guess it wasn't meant to be.  On May 21st (at 10 or 11 weeks) I found out our baby had no heartbeat although we had seen and heard it at 7 (or 8 weeks.)  The baby had stopped growing at 9 weeks.  It probably stopped growing around May 14th which is odd because my miscarriage last year was on May 15th.  May pretty much sucks. (The dates may be off because according to my period I should have been 8 weeks at my first appointment but the dr said I must have miscalculated because at 8 weeks baby was measuring 7 weeks 2 days.  Well, I don't think I was 5 days off, I think there was already something wrong at that first appointment.)

Baby at 7 weeks 2 days - Heart rate: 165
Having your doctor tell you that she doesn't see a heartbeat is just unexplainable.  Especially when you're there alone.  It's terrible.  Having two miscarriages a year apart is also just terrible.  I hate the entire situation.  Having to tell all your family and close friends what happened is gut wrenching.  Having to call your husband and tell him your baby is gone is the worst.  And, possibly worse still is your body still thinking that your baby is still alive so you still have all your pregnancy symptoms but knowing that a baby is not the end result.

I have the ultrasound pictures and I even still had the pee stick as gross is that is.  I've taken down the pictures and thrown away the tests and piles of doctor paperwork...soon to be replaced with paperwork of a new kind.  I hate that we're at this place.  Again.  And did you know that once you see the heartbeat (like we did at 7 or 8 weeks) there is only a 3% chance of miscarriage.  Oh, the odds...


Anger
Frustration
Throwing in the towel
Self pity
Self loathing
Sadness
Disbelief

Blahhhh...

I had a D and C on May 28th.  It wasn't bad at all.  I was completely knocked out and was only in surgery for about 10 minutes or so.  The night before I had a total melt down. (I mean, I had to walk around for an entire week with a dead baby inside of me and then it was just going to end up in the trash can.  It's unimaginable.)  It was one of several break downs that happened that week.  And I am NOT a crier.  I'm just not.  I don't like people seeing me down or weak much less sobbing.

And, I'll be very honest, I've been in a place of why pray.  Why ask God for anything?  We've been praying for a baby and have had two miscarriages.  It doesn't make any sense.  Other prayers have gone unanswered.  The reverse is happening and it makes you wonder if He really hears you or cares at all.

I put so much mental and emotional energy into prayer and preparing for this baby.  Plus, I was nearly done with the first trimester.  I got to experience all the pains of the first trimester but didn't get a baby.  Very much salt in the wound.  As is paying for a D and C.

So, where do I go now?  What's the next step?  I've actually known several people who have gone through what I have (chemical pregnancy followed by miscarriage) but they didn't already have a child to begin with.  They did however go on to have several more successful pregnancies so I'm hopeful but I'm not in a good place spiritually.  Luckily I have several people interceding for me until I get back to that good place.  I honestly just feel too angry to pray sometimes.

I've been pregnant 3 times in the past (almost) 5 years and have one child to show for it.  It took me 3 months to get pregnant with Georgia, and 8 or so months which each of the following ones.  At this point we are choosing not to pursue any fertility treatment.  I've really been praying about what the next step should be and I've come across several verses:

"The Lord will fight for you, you need only to be still
Exodus 14:14

"Be truly glad.  There is wonderful joy ahead"
1Peter 1:16

"After your season of suffering, God in all his grace will restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you"
1Peter 5:10

"With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible"
Matthew 19:26

"To you, O Lord, I offer my prayer; in you, my God, I trust"
Psalm 25: 1-2

"Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours"
mark 11:24

These are not verses I looked up.  These are verses that were revealed to me during Bible study and prayer.  I know in my heart God is in control and I also know that when I do get pregnant and deliver a full term baby that God will get all the glory.  But, it's hard to get your head and your heart on the same page.  I repeat these verses out loud.  God can read my thoughts and hear my prayers but Satan cannot read my mind although he can hear my words.  Satan and demons flea from the spoken word of God so I'm making sure he wants no part of me.  Spiritual Warfare is very much a real thing.

I know it is not in God's character to take a new life.  I know it is not God's way to take my unborn babies but I do know we live in a fallen world and fear and doubt give Satan a foothold.  I recently finished a sermon series podcast (By Willie George with Church on the Move) on Spiritual Warfare and the Armor of God and I also recently finished The Circle Maker by Mark Batterson (just buy it and read it now).  And I know it to be true that Satan wants me to give up.  He does not want Jonathan and I to have anymore children.  He doesn't want more believers and he is doing everything in his power to withhold my blessings that God has already sent.

The moment Daniel prayed God sent Gabriel with an answer but it is stated clearly in the Bible that the angel did battle with the Prince of Persia (Satan/demons) before he could get the blessing to Daniel.  He battled for 21 days. (Daniel 10)  What if Daniel had stopped praying before the 21 days?  He would have forfeited his blessing.  That's not something I am willing to do.  Satan so badly wants me to give up.  He wants me to stop praying and feel defeated.  He wants me to believe the very opposite of God's word...that God will not fulfill his promises to me.  God has put a desire in my heart for a reason and God will win this battle.  I need only to be still and believe.

Blessed is she who believed that there would be fulfillment of what had been spoken to her by the Lord
Luke 1:45

Please join Jonathan and I in prayer for me to conceive and give birth to a healthy full term baby.

May 30, 2015

Stitch Fix #2

Here's how it works if you're not familiar.

You sign up HERE, fill out an in depth style/size profile, pay $20 styling fee, they ship you 5 items, you keep what you want, and mail back the rest.

If you buy anything, your $20 styling fee goes towards that purchase.  If you buy all 5 items you get 25% off your order.  It is totally free to mail your returns in.  They send you all you need to do that.

You can do it as a monthly service or you can just schedule them whenever you want.  Mine are on an as needed basis.

To get better items connect them with your style Pinterest board (mine is HERE), give them a lot of feedback in the notes section, and fill out your style profile honestly.

Before we begin I am NOT a fashion blogger and my husband is not a photographer but we're doing the best we can so no laughing :)  And, I live in the Houston, TX area so the rain here has been out of control since March thus, making the pictures that much harder to get.


Rosco Floral Print Crochet Detail Tank by Collective Concepts - S - $58
The style card says to pair this with jeans or a pencil skirt and I'm down with both those options.  This weather just makes the styling a bit hard since everything is soaking wet.  The grass, the sidewalks, the driveway.  Huge puddles everywhere.  So to dodge the rain I styled all of it with jeans just to keep things moving.  Honestly though, I live in Texas and it's almost June so these jeans won't be making appearances any time soon.  I'm going to try it with a pencil skirt next or some shorts.  I love the details on this shirt.
-Kept-


Lydia Floral Print Key-Hole Blouse by Collective Concepts - S - $68
This shirt is comfortable and flowy which is perfect about 90% of the time where I live so it works out well.  The pattern isn't my favorite but I still like it.  My husband's photography skills...I tell ya' ;)
-Kept-


Diaz Embroidery & Crochet Detail Cotton Top by Brixon Ivy S - $74
So sorry for the blurry right photo.  I really wanted a picture of the detailing because it is very pretty but it had started to sprinkle and I really wanted to get done.  If this shirt had been less expensive I would have kept it even though the hem at the bottom was strange but I just loved the idea of wearing it to the beach over my swim suit top.  It really was very light weight and breezy.  I really wanted to love it and keep it but I didn't love it $74 worth.  And it's worth mentioning that my husband didn't like it at all.  He said, "if your mom came in wearing that shirt I would be like...Hey, Teresa.  I like your shirt."
-Sent back-


Sam Hi-Lo Short Sleeve Tee by Market & Spruce - S - $44
If this shirt was $12 at Target and came in other colors I would maybe buy it.  But, $44 for a shirt that shows my bra outline and the buttons on my pants is just a no.  I liked how it felt on.  Not tight at all which is great in Texas because of our high humidity levels.  But, I have to give it to my stylist.  She did listen to everything I wrote to her in the notes section.  I said I wanted flowy tops and dresses for the summer.  Oh, and the hi-lo thing really through my husband off.  I liked it but he hated, "the butt cape" as he called it.
-Sent back-


Maeby Printed Dress - S - $58
I actually liked the loose fit of the dress it's just the pattern and colors that I could not stand.  Chevron...just no!  And, it's orange, brown, and turquoise chevron.  Very retro and very NOT me.  But the cut was nice even though it had sleeves and it's summer.  Wasn't heavy fabric so the sleeves might actually have been nice when you're sitting in church or something.
-Sent back-



Overall:
It was a good fix but I felt the prices they sent me this time were a little higher than what I wanted.  I need to make sure I leave really good feedback.  But, I'm happy that I got two new tanks out of it.

Want your own Stitch Fix? (You do!) Go HERE!

May 20, 2015

Post Party Catch Up

Georgia told me she didn't want cake or cupcakes for her birthday.  She said all she wanted was pancakes.  So we did a Princess Pajama Party.  Her friends came over in their pajamas with their sleeping bags.  We ate breakfast foods and watched Aladdin.  It was super easy and Georgia loved it.


Her actual birthday was the next day, Sunday.  We had a quick birthday breakfast, opened gifts, got dressed and went to church.  I told Georgia she could pick lunch and she picked "Uncle Donald's" aka McDonald's.  Ick.  We tried to change her mind but she wouldn't have it.  My family came over later for dinner and cake and more presents.


We were able to celebrate all weekend.  Love my sweet four year old!

May 18, 2015

Georgia is Four!

Georgia Emiline Powell you are FOUR
-as of May 17th-
(and I cannot believe it!)


Basics:
40 lbs - 82%
41 or 42 in (can't remember) - 89%
You sleep 7:30 - 7:30
Sometime (once or twice a week) you still take a nap.  Although you are still in your room for two hours, lights off, everyday.

You know all your letters - upper case and lower case
You know about half of your letter sounds
You can spell your name and write it
You can spell and sound out "Mom" and "Dad"
You count to 30
You know several states and countries
You can identify a handful of famous landmarks and works of art
You know your school prayer and the pledge along with a few Bible verses


About you:
You aren't shy at all and are very social.  You love going to church, MOPS, friends houses, the Rec center...pretty much anywhere and any body is your favorite.  You love getting dressed up and wearing skirts and dresses.  You love to pick out your clothes.  Your favorite pass time is playing dress up or playing with your baby dolls.  You have an amazing imagination.  You love everyone in your family and love when they come over...or when anyone comes over for that matter.  You get so excited when we have visitors.

You are very strong willed and get in trouble several times throughout the day for being sassy, saying things you don't mean, being impulsive, not cleaning up your toys, breaking toys on accident.  Your absolute worst is when we have to leave friend's houses.  Total melt downs (only child problem.  for real.  you get lonely.)  You mostly get in trouble for talking back.  Like, "Georgia, last time I am asking you to clean up your toys.  If I ask again the toys are going in time out for a week" and you respond with, "Fine.  I don't want them."


Funny things you've said or say:
Georgia:  "Molly Kathryn was trying to pull my head off of my neck."

G: Momma, do you want to go to the mall today?

Me: I don't think so...
G: But, sure?
Me: No.

Georgia:  "I like bread because Jesus liked bread.  Jesus broke bread and had a cup of wine that was like blood."


Georgia:  "Uncle Donald's (McDonald's) is not a restaurant.  They just serve pancakes."  


Georgia: "Daddy, can you catch the alligator so I can eat the chicken nuggets inside him?"


Georgia:  "I'm going to have baby brothers.  I will name them Evett, Jesus, and Dusty."


Momma my pencil is dead.  Can you charge it up for me?  (Her pencil broke and she needs it sharpened.)


"Momma, can I have some oatmeal and hot tea for breakfast? I've been bless-you-ing and it will make me feel better."


"At church today we learned about an old lady who put two coins in a money machine"


Georgia:  Momma, thanks for that guinea pig you're getting me.
Me:  Nice try.  Not happening

Ridiclious = Ridiculous
Movie Avator - Movie theater
Cheese sandwich = cheese burger


I love you so much Georgia.  You are a true blessing to your daddy and me.  You bring me so much joy everyday and endless amounts of laughter.  You are so smart and so funny.  Can't wait to watch the beautiful little lady you become.

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