Here are my favorite photos from 2019. What a year!

January

February

March

April

May

June

July

August

September

October

November

December

New Year // New Decade

I just cannot get over the fact that we are starting a new decade.  It feels so great to know we are done having kids and in our forever home and can just focus on having fun as a family. I can't wait to watch my babies grow, to travel as a family, to finish our remodel, to see how me and Jonathan's careers grow.  I'm really excited!  Plus, Jonathan and I started dating in 2000 so were are closing in on our 20th year together! Here is a quick recap of the past 10 years.

2010

We went to Barcelona and Lisbon

2011

Georgia was born

2012

Got into our groove with parenting a fiery little girl and Jonathan became assistant principal.

2013

Moved to Conroe and celebrated our 5th anniversary! I also started Emily Powell Photography.

2014

Lost a baby this year in May. I would have been due in January. This baby, who I thought was a boy, would have been 5 this month. We also bought the ugliest house on the street in our favorite neighborhood.  We still haven't finished our reno all these years later but it looks a heck of a lot better than this!

2015

Lost another baby in May who would have been due in December. This baby would have been 4 last month. Jonathan also built us a chicken coop and we got chickens and fresh yard eggs!

2016

Our precious, miracle boy, Milam was born! Jonathan also became associate principal and Georgia started Kinder.  It was a big year (and all in August!)

2017

Loved being a family of four

2018

Really enjoyed traveling more now that Milam was a bit older.  Starting taking a lot more trips.

2019

Barrett surprised the heck out of us this year. (While writing this it occurred to me that I've been pregnant five times in the past 10 years...which sounds insane).  Our family of FIVE is officially complete.

Honesty is Ok

I feel like honesty is the trademark of this super old blog.  Before I started blogging I kept a journal...since the age of 7...so I really like to write as a way to process...and I process A LOT. I'm really hesitant to post this because at this point we've really settled into life with 3, and it's a lot, but here's goes.

All nine months I was pregnant, and up until Barrett was about 1.5 months, I literally thought my life was over.  I didn't want three kids.  I wanted to work on my goals, my business, and our house. I wanted to enjoy the two kids we already had and be able to spend as much time with them as I could.  Instead of embracing it I just kept putting off dealing with it emotionally. I had to put my life on hold for nearly a year, which sounded like a lifetime - and I was mad, but now I'm seeing that we can do it all but it is just going to look different (and take longer!)

I can't wait to watch them all explore and learn.  I'm excited to see them all running on the beach or hiking or riding their bikes. Its going to be a fun life despite the countless times I'll be overwhelmed in the future.

One of my main frustrations was Barrett was due in the fall and when you have your own business you don't get maternity leave. This kid was being born in my busiest season of the year.  Fall. Fall for a photographer is like spring for CPAs.  I'm usually buried in editing and just trying to survive.  Saying no to a client possibly means that you will lose their business forever.  I am so thankful for the friends and clients who have stuck with me and worked around my schedule. 

Also, another kid meant a bigger car, no extra bedrooms, less extra space, more money being spent NOT going towards my goals.  More money for extra curriculars, food, college funds, preschool, future car notes, doctor's bills and on and on.  I'm just super prone to gravitate towards the negative and while I'm working on it that is just how I am.  So all of this, for me, just has to be one of those situations where it is what it is.  I cannot change it so I just have to be ok with it.  Kids are expensive and there is no way around it.  It is super selfish of me but it is just honestly how I feel.  When other people laugh off surprises that arise in their lives and just dwell in the chaos I most certainly do not.  I am not made to roll with the punches.  I don't know why I'm wired that way but for some reason that is the way God made me and it is a daily struggle to battle against perfectionism and the frustration it causes. I crave structure and routine and predictability. I suppose some people are just born to be parents while others (me) are turned into better people because of parenting. Comparing my life to others is one of my biggest struggles and God uses parenting and newborns to knock me down a notch or two...or ten.

I've said it before but I'm not a newborn person.  I'm not really even a baby person.  I love my kids and think they are (mostly) wonderful little people but I just don't get people that like newborns and babies and love this stage in life. You baby lovers are all wonderful people too I assume ;) but I'm  just not one of them.  Breastfeeding, pumping, thrush (all three kids), mastitis, colic (Georgia), roller coaster thyroid issues (Georgia and Barrett), crying, napping, not napping, exhaustion, formula, bottles, diapers, so much poop, lip ties and tongue ties (Barrett), spit up, heart murmurs (Georgia and Barrett), hydroceles (Milam)...I mean, what's not to love.  I wish any of my babies had just been sweet little angel babies but they were not born that way.  They are so INTENSE from day one.  All three of them. It is a lot to think about and a lot to juggle.  It makes me mentally exhausted just thinking about it...then add in growth spurts, mental leaps, and regressions and you have yourself a great time.  All of those people that want, "all the babies" are just a very different breed than I am. Recently, for example, Barrett was awake for 2.5 hours before he finally caved for a nap.  Woke up and wouldn't eat because he only slept for less than 30 minutes. Would suck on the bottle and cry (he's never been a good eater) and when I would try to burp him on my shoulder he would put his feet on my waist band and push himself into a standing position.  I just honestly don't get how that is sweet...but that's just me.  I read all the time, "you can do hard things" and I always think, "well yes I can do hard things but that doesn't mean I want to" and surprise surprise, if Emily doesn't want to do something it's going to be rough going for everyone involved.

The biggest issue for me is still time.  Being able to devote enough of myself to all the people in our house plus being able to recharge by myself feels 100% impossible to me right now.  I was probably spoiled by the fact that our first two kids were (unintentionally) five years apart and I had so much one on one time with both of them that now I feel like our house is in constant motion.  I struggle with feeling like I'm missing out with the older two because I have to devote so much time to Barrett. Jonathan is so great about picking up the slack but I feel bad that we don't get time to spend together.

Making all of this that much harder is that I hate asking for help.  When I'm in that postpartum state I cannot think clearly.  I cannot make decisions properly. When I came out of my fog with Georgia (which has only happened with each kid when I was no longer breastfeeding...darn hormones!) I wrote notes to myself for after I had baby number two of how to better care for a baby.  I'm not even kidding.  I was trying really hard to do better.  When I was nine months pregnant with Milam and after he was born I read through them and it was legitimately talking myself through better sleep schedules and feeding issues.  It sounds ridiculous but I was so tired when Georgia was born that I just couldn't put two and two together so I was trying to prevent that.  Obviously I threw that away after I had Milam and not that it would have made a huge difference but it's just an example of how much of a fog I live in when I'm tired/or have just had a baby. And you would think my first instinct would be to ask for help.  It isn't.  I get super defensive and want to do it all on my own.  Y'all it makes no sense.  I know.  Issues breastfeeding...nope, don't want to ask for help. Baby crying while you hold her? Nope, don't want to pass her off to your husband.  I always wanted to be right. My parenting pride 100% has made me suffer...every.single.time. but I credit a lot of that to my inability to process when I am just that ridiculously tired.  I don't do well under stress and can hardly function on little sleep...I even get nauseas and light headed at times.  It hasn't even been that long since we brought Barrett home and I'm being totally honest when I say I don't remember a whole lot. It's like one big blur (And I had a medication free recovery!) although being over medicated for my thyroid disorder probably had a lot to do with it (Georgia and Barrett).

If my kids read this and know this someday I'm ok with it.  I was my mom's surprise baby number three (like Barrett) and I was an absolutely horrible baby and a total handful as a young child.  If you take the worst qualities about both my parents you get me.  I say that jokingly but it's kind of true. I know all of this about myself and my parents and I never doubted that my parents loved me and cared for me the best they could.  Actually, once Georgia was born and I was thinking back to how I was as a baby/child I just felt so bad for them.  Haha.  I was so bad and usually sick.  My poor parents.

I really wanted to write all of this out because it seems to be a given that all married, secure, and settle women that get pregnant should be excited about it.  Instagram is flooded with light and airy images showing perfection in pregnancy, mothering, and really perfection of emotions. If that is honestly how they feel than that is awesome for them but I just don't like pretending life is perfection when it absolutely is not.  It was so frustrating but we've officially made it past the hardest part and I'm very grateful.  And, I've been one of those people where reading something like this wouldn't make sense at all when I wanted to be pregnant with Milam so badly but I'm being honest. Now, we have more highs in our day than lows but I think putting honest parenting out there is really important because so many times I feel like I'm the only one.  Obviously I'm not, but other moms just do a lot better with no sleep than I do. At the end of the day, I'm doing the best I can, and I just have to let go of the guilt that my personal best isn't the same as another mother's best.  And as much as I want to be the best I just can't and I struggle with that in ALL areas of my life, not just parenting

And know that all these pictures are just for my benefit! I never want people to look at my photos and assume we're having this perfect, idyllic day.  That will never happen. Taking photos and editing them is a huge stress reliever for me although I know that's not the case for most people...and Milam loves to hold Barrett...for about 5 seconds.

About Me:

A little Friday Introduction because recapping my week/life seems really daunting at this point
(I wrote this a few days ago) and pictures of my kids because that's all I have.  I did some portraits of them this week.

Watching:

One Tree Hill

Planning:

Future renovations and gymnastics travel (oh the things we do for our kids!)

Annoying:

How much space do I have?! Ha! I'm the most easily annoyed person ever.  I admit it and fully embrace it. Although Jonathan would probably say, no don't embrace it. ha.

Wanting:

More time.  Always more time.  I always want more time with my older two kids, time alone, and time with just Jonathan. My love language is quality time and I feel like I'm always lacking.

Needing:

Read above

Also, I feel like I need a first family trip with the five of us...once it will be more fun than it will suck but still.  We're going to try and make some of Georgia's gym travel into trips for our family but I'm not sure I can get it squeezed in considering Georgia and Jonathan also now have different spring breaks.  UGH.

Doing:

Watching TV and editing wedding photos from last weekend.  Filling this in to distract myself from work.

Stressing:

How on earth are we going to juggle all of these gymnastics meets coming up with SO MUCH TRAVEL. Galveston (twice), Dallas, New Orleans...to name a few.

Listening:

Spotify made a playlist for me of my most listened to songs in 2019.  I've been listening to it on repeat.

Eating:

Flips yogurt...well, that's the last thing I ate.  I'm about to go start making my lunch while the Barrett is still asleep.

Fearing:

My biggest legitimate fear right now...That I'll get pregnant again. We will forever be unable to have children at the end of this month. Merry Christmas to us. I felt like our life was over when I got pregnant with Barrett (and I was super detached from the entire pregnancy) but things are leveling out now that we're getting more sleep (I could never image doing all this baby stuff a third time...a fourth time would do me in for sure!) but still.  We're closing up shop!

Fall Favorites - 2019

Nested Bean

Barrett would not let us put him down and would not sleep longer than 30 minutes most of the time the first few days of his life.  My insta friends suggested a nested bean swaddle.  I primed two of them to our house and started using them instantly.  I immediately could tell a difference in his sleep. We don't use them anymore because he doesn't need them but they saved us that first month.

Dock a tot

One of my husband's coworkers let us borrow this and combined with the Nested Bean it made such a huge difference in his sleep!

Angle Care Monitor

This is not the exact one we have but it helps my husband sleep better knowing that Barrett is still breathing.  We've used this brand with all three of our kids.

Gripe water

Barrett gets the hiccups all the time (not so much now!) but we just pour a little gripe water into a bottle nipple and let him drink it and it instantly gets rid of the hiccups.  It's like magic.  Has worked great for all three of our kids.

Play Gym

We had already gotten rid of so many baby items.  I really needed a nice and inexpensive play gym.  All of our kids have really enjoyed laying underneath one the first few months of life.  I found this one and it was a really great price compared to others like it.  Especially since we won't have it for very long.

FitBit Versa Lite

Jonathan got me this for my birthday because he knew I wanted to be healthier after Barrett was born and after I have my hip surgery.  Right now I just use it to track steps and sleep but I'm really enjoying it. Getting our steps in below!

Simple Gel Cream

I have a hard time with anything I put on my face...or my skin for that matter.  I got this as a sample and really liked it.  Didn't make me break out or have an allergic reaction.  Fingers crossed it keeps going well.

These socks

I bought these socks last spring when I was planning on going skiing with my family.  Turns out I was pregnant and couldn't go.  These socks hid away in my closet until after B was born because even looking at them reminded me of how sick I was the week they came in the mail. Pregnancy is so weird.  Once this fall came around I busted them out and I've pretty much been wearing them ever since. (You can see them in the photo with the play gym)

Olly Vitamins

A staple at our house.  Anything to avoid being sick over here!

I'm Not a Super Mom

I've gotten so many comments and messages lately about how I'm, "super mom" and asking how do I, "do it all?" which is in reference to my work load with a one month old, if you follow my social media accounts. So, I just wanted to clear the air really quickly, while I listen to my baby cry in the next room.

I am super type A.  I like things the way I like them and that's just the only way I function.  Monica on friends...that's me.  I'm black and white 100%.  I like schedules, I like neat and clean.  I hate messes and things not going as planned.  My personality is not naturally suited towards parenting.  I am not empathetic.  I am not flexible.  Parenting has obviously been good for me in this sense.  It has taught me to go with the flow and to not be so serious but still...it's a battle.

With all of that being said, I've learned what I can handle and what I can't.  And, I'll be the first to say I cannot handle a lot.  I get stressed out and stretched thin very easily and very quickly.  I'm one of those people who is good at multi tasking but I don't like doing it.  I don't pull all nighters.  I carefully plan and schedule.  I've come to terms with the fact that what other mothers can handle, their work loads and lack of sleep, I just cannot.  I'll be a terribly mean and unhappy person if I don't have help and if I miss a lot of sleep.

With newborns their main priorities are eating and sleeping.  At one week old we switched Barrett to formula.  For a variety of medical reasons nursing is just something I cannot succeed at and mentally is something I just do not want to combat.  Also, Jonathan has a schedule we've used with both Milam and Barrett.  He takes Barrett at 9 pm and does anything Barrett related until 2:30 am.  Then I take Barrett after that.  That way, we both get more sleep.  We have a spare twin mattress in Barrett's room and the other person sleeps on that so that the monitor and bedroom door don't wake the other person. (He also sleeps swaddled and in a dock a tot and we only change his diaper at night if he poops so he's been generally sleeping really well at night)

Currently, Jonathan is on Thanksgiving break so the weddings I've shot and edited and the other sessions I've done are all due to the fact that he's been home to help.  In addition to Jonathan helping my mom and her sister help me out a ton.  They carry most of the burden of getting my kids to and from school, preschool, speech, and gymnastics.  They volunteered to do that and my kids love their time with their Nana and YiaYia. 

So, I'm spilling the beans.  I'm no super mom.  I have a lot of help and my baby boy takes bottles.  I can't do it all and I'm not perfect.  Honestly, most days I feel like a total failure.  I can't breastfeed.  I've never had an "angel" baby.  All of my kids have required sleep training. I get frazzled far too easily. I yell way more than I should. I care too much about things that don't matter. But, I love my kids, and I love my husband, and I'm doing the best I can (even if that is far less than what other moms do) so I think I fall into the "normal mom" category.  No shame there ;)

I'm Back : Friday Introductions

Hi, y'all! 

Blogging for me as always been about keeping our family memories. One of my goals for 2019 was to save all of my blogs.  I saved them digitally on my external hard drive and on drop box.  Another goal for another year is to get them printed out because I don't feel 100% about having them only saved in digital form.  I mean, in a dystopian society maybe they'll only have my blogs to know how life was before.  I mean, not seriously, but hey, it could happen.

So, I paused my blog because saving my blogs while still writing blogs made the goal seem unattainable.  So, here we are, 4.5 months into 2019 and I have saved all my blogs and I'm dusting off the keyboard.  Let's kick it off with a little #FridayIntroduction

I'm Emily.  I'm 33 and married to my high school sweet heart. Together we have two kids and one on the way.  Our daughter, Georgia is 7 (will be 8 next month!), our son, Milam (My-lum) is 2.5, and our surprise number 3, Barrett, is due November 2nd.  We have a dog (Penelope), a cat (Posey), and five hens.  We live on one acre outside of Houston, TX and are turning our 1965 ranch into the home of our dreams. Slowly. My husband is a high school principal and I mostly am a stay at home mom but I also run a small photo gig on the side (Emily Powell Photography).  

I watch a lot of old TV. (One Tree Hill, Gilmore Girls, Gossip Girl, The OC) and my husband constantly makes fun of me for it.  I told him yesterday I like it because it reminds me of a much simpler time in our lives. We were dating, no kids or finances to manage...he responded with, well yeah, but when we were that age we wanted all that we have now.  Ok, you win. You win.  Ever the optimist, he is.

This pregnancy is kicking my butt (as has the 1st trimester of all my pregnancies).  I'm exhausted all the time, can't eat anything unless its colorless or else I have horrible reflux, and my husband is picking up all the slack I'm leaving behind.

My two biggest goals in life are two travel more and finish our remodel.  I want an A frame cabin and an RV and to visit all the national parks and to take our kids all over the world.  That's expensive so hopefully I'll start booking more weddings soon ;)  We'll finish our remodel at some point.  Hopefully this house can be all that we want it to be.

Two of my favorite family traditions are blueberry picking in the summer and Pappasito's for Christmas Eve Eve. I LOVE spending time with just the four of us.  I'm a super homebody and Jonathan is the definition of an extrovert.  (I'm a 1 and he's a 2- enneagram!)

Anything else you want to know? I'm an open book.  Leave your questions in the comments and I'll try to get around to them in my next Friday Introduction!

Emily Reads {Quarter ONE}

{I accidentally published this post but oh well...here ya' go!}

My goal two years ago was to read one book a month and I think I stuck to it for about 3 or so months and then totally forgot about it.  Well, I'm back at it.  If you follow along you will notice two things:

I gravitate towards classic novels

I read a lot of religious books

Here is what I have read so far!

January
Praying Circles Around Your Children - Mark Batterson
  I would recommend reading, "The Circle maker" first before reading this one.  Definitely a continuation of the book.  A good quick read.
Praying God's Word - Beth Moore
  I read this a little each day and did not finish it in January.  It is not a book you would read all the way through cover to cover.  You read bits and pieces as you have a need for them.
February
The Great Gatsby - F.S. Fitzgerald
  I read this book in high school  and fell in love.  Now that I'm older I've tried two other times to read it but have only made it through the first few chapters before totally forgetting about it.  I'm really interested in reading the "classics" now as an adult to see if my reactions to them are any different.
March
The Age of Innocence - Edith Wharton
I started this book but between spring break, bluebonnets, Easter pictures, and Easter itself I just forgot about it.  WHICH, it ok because I read two books in January so that makes up for it.  I'll post about this book in April ;)

Train of Thought from December

I wrote this back in December and then forgot to post it.

It's 80 degrees and I have on a sweater just so there is less surface area for mosquitoes to get to...it's December.  And I have on Off.  They are literally swarming me just so my kid can play outside. He is covered in Off too.

If every mosquito suddenly dropped dead would that affect any sort of ecosystem? Would bats notice? Can we add more bats so they can eat the mosquitoes? How much of a bat's diet comes from mosquitoes?  Again, it's December.

Is it just me or have they gotten faster?!  They used to be so easy to kill and now not so much...have I gotten slower?

And fire ants? Why does Conroe grow so many fire ants and mosquitoes? Would any one/thing notice if all the fireant died suddenly? Do they really do anything? Do they have a real purpose other than biting me and my children?

My cat is so worthless.  She's an outdoor cat to kill snakes, rats, moles, mice...the like.  She literally does nothing.  I've seen one rat that she's killed and a few birds and squirrels.  She's killed a mole before.  Never that I've seen has she killed a snake...the real reason we got her.  Totally pointless.

It is cute when Milam says, "cat" and "meow" thought but I'm not sure if it's worth having a waste of a cat though.

I'm so over pets right now.  My pets need to do something for me.  They need to be productive citizens at my house.  Our dog is worthless number one.

Did I ever mention our last chicken died? I'm over them.  Jonathan and Georgia aren't so we will be getting more and they are productive but still...couldn't have said worthless cat above have protected them a little better from snakes and whatever else was killing them off one by one (except that one time it killed two at a time)?! I hate it.

I also hate that you can't edit your InstaStories.  Yes, I see when I have typos.  Yes, I know they're there.  Yes, I want to fix them.  You can't fix them so you just have to delete them.  Ugh.

Pictures...photography...

I have a hard time being a photographer because a lot of things about my profession bother me.  Such as the terms, "creatives".  Like, "we are a group of creatives".  Cultivate and curate also really bother me because sometimes (a lot of times) I feel like people are trying to hard.  But, that's just me.  Please don't hate me.

And, let's end with a picture of my beautiful bitty boy just because

Summer Favorites 2017

The summer season is dwindling down.  Here are my favorites from this season!

1.

Origins Original Skin

Influenster sent me a new skin care line but I'm always 100% honest in my reviews and I LOVE this line!

2.

Felt Letter Board

Felt letter board.  I got this perfect little one at Hobby Lobby.  I love that it is white on white.  I was very late to the game on the letter board trend.  I'm not very trendy but it is so dang handy.

3.

New Camera - Nikon D610

I was forced to get another camera because Milam got my SD card stuck in my old camera.  It was a lot of new fun features.  I really like the double exposure feature just for cool shots of my own two.

4.

New Kitchen

We FINALLY re-did our kitchen.  Full post HERE

5.

Snow cones at Lottie's

We got a new snow cone stand here in Conroe and it is so cute and so yummy.

Summer, you were good to us!  Here's to fall!

Post Weekend Post

Getting back into the swing of this school thing post Harvey has been tough.  Jonathan didn't start until after Harvey so we are still trying to figure out the ins and outs of how it will go this year with Georgia's school and gym schedule and trying to get dinner made each day now that Jonathan's day is slightly longer than usual.

 We're trying to make sure we still get in some family chill time.  We had dinner at the park the other night.  Nothing special.

Every time they play outside they get out ALL the toys!

Monday nights always look like this.  Spaghetti night!

His best hide and seek spot ;)

So Milam's skin has been crazy lately.  I took him to a dermatologist and long story short I was super unimpressed with their assessment and pretty much everything about the office.  A friend told me to try adding probiotics into his diet.  I added baby probiotics to his morning milk. The picture on the left is the morning before he had his first dose.  The picture on the right is the next day.  Notice how much better the patch on the left looks! (Your left, not his).  It's gotten better every day.  We've since filled his ointment RX and am using it sparingly and I don't see nearly the results as I did with the probiotics.  We're using both still and I'm hoping it continues to get better.

Georgia also decided to get baptized.  This was right after she told her dad.

This one IS ALWAYS climbing!  He keeps me on my toes!

On Sunday we wanted to have a fun day in Houston.  We went to Discovery Green.  Of course had a hard time finding parking...but I really wanted to see the latest instillation.

THEN, I really wanted to see the Rist exhibit at the MFA.  Saturday was the last day it was open so this was the day.  Jonathan and I stumbled upon a Rist exhibit in Barcelona (read: we went in without paying on accident) so I HAD to see this one!

My kids LOVED it but a little too much so Milam lasted about 5 minutes (or less!) before we took him out because I wouldn't put it past him to literally tear the whole thing down (#trueStory)  We again had a hard time parking and then got in trouble for touching the outside wall of the art building.  I'm not even kidding.

We hit up the main gallery and the ever popular light tunnel.  I got in trouble again for trying to take the stroller up the escalator even though Milam wasn't in  it.

We tried to find a look alike for everyone.  We found several for Jonathan but not one for anyone else :/ Milam also touched this painting.  Because of said incidents above, luckily nobody noticed.

 We hit up The Kitchen at the Dunlavy.  The line was super long and so we didn't stay long.  Per our luck in Houston.  I was super frustrated at this point.  The kids were hungry!

 When we got home from Houston I told Jonathan I wanted to spin like Maria (from Sound of Music) in our yard because our kids have a large space to run and play without fear of getting hit by a car and we can park wherever we want because our driveway and garage are huge.  Points for Conroe!

On Sunday, Georgia went down to the front at church to talk about getting baptized.  We are so proud of her.  She's taking a Bible to school on Monday and now says she wants to be a missionary.  Watch out world!

 And then there is this nugget!  He's the most adorable little boy in the world and that smile! Ahh!

Annnnnnd...our internet is down AGAIN! So, now I'm using a hot spot on my phone and my phone and computer will not link up so I can't get the last few pics from my phone.  Bummer :/