The New Feminist Housewives

I read this article on the way home from London to Houston.  The only thing (that I can recall) that I don't really think applies to me and my future (seeing as I don't have kids yet) is having dinner on the table when Jonathan comes home from work.  You should all know by now that I don't cook and I'm ok with that.  Also, I would like to note that I don't want to step on anyone's toes but this is just what I think.  I know everyone has their own opinions and this is just mine.  The article is from here.  (It is a British news paper)

"The last time Ellen Fletcher saw her university friends they were graduating from one of London’s top colleges with the world at their feet.

Four years on, they all boast high-flying careers as City executives – all except Ellen. And when she reveals how she’s chosen to spend the intervening years to them, their jaws drop.

‘They couldn’t believe it when I told them I have chosen to be a full-time mother,’ says the 27-year-old, who lives in South-West London with her husband Richard, 30, a teacher, and her children George, four, and Verity, two.

‘I could tell from their reaction that they couldn’t help assuming I must be bored stiff – but that is simply just not the case.

‘Of course, there are days when I am untying my pinny, my hands covered in flour from baking a cake, when I think of all the glamorous things I could be doing with my life.

‘But then, when I see the look on my children’s faces as they hand me drawings or I read them a story, I know that what I am doing is just so worthwhile.’

And Ellen is not alone in holding what many women might perceive as an antiquated view – a growing number of young, well-educated British women are striking back at the have-it-all generation and choosing motherhood over careers.

After decades during which the number of women who work has steadily increased, it appears the tide is turning back to a more traditional family model.

In America, these strident young mums refer to themselves as ‘home managers’ – the choice of words an assertion of the value they see in their chosen ‘career’. And the last thing they feel is downtrodden or tied to the kitchen sink.

‘There’s a kind of radicalism about stay-at-home mums that’s emerging,’ says Justine Roberts, one of the founders of the influential parenting website mumsnet.com.

‘Whereas some women used to hate saying they were full-time mothers, there’s a trend towards giving up work and being out and proud about it. It’s not a thing to be ashamed of any more.’

What’s also clear is that many more mothers would follow suit if they could. A survey revealed that 52 per cent of mothers return to work because they cannot afford to stay at home bringing up their children.

Only a small minority, just 22 per cent, return because they actually want to continue their career.

‘Despite women being told that they can “have it all,” and can choose whether to be a working or stay-at-home mum, the fact is that most have this choice stripped away from them by the financial realities of modern life,’ says Ann Robinson, a director at uswitch.com, the price comparison website which carried out the survey.

As far as Ellen is concerned, though, it all comes down to having the right priorities.

In her view, it is entirely possible to survive on one income – but you have to be prepared to live a far simpler life. ‘We have very little money,’ she says. We live on my husband’s salary in a two-up, two-down, terraced house and there is nothing left over for any extras.

‘This summer, we’re taking a tent to West Wittering. None of us has had new clothes for ages. We drive one car, a Ford Focus, and we allow ourselves one meal out a month.’

But the rewards, she says, more than make up for the lack of material luxuries.

‘I wake up excited about each day – whether I am taking the children to the park or we’re drawing and reading at home. I find it so fulfilling.’

Ellen, 27, had a brief taste of a career after graduating with a modern languages degree from King’s College London in 2003. She got a job as a legal secretary in the Spanish department of a law firm.

But equally as important to her was her relationship with Richard, whom she met when she was 16 and married in her final year at university.

Her overriding ambition was not to climb the career ladder, but to settle down and have children straight away.

She gave up work when she fell pregnant with George in 2005 and has never looked back. ‘I missed the social life at first, but I was very determined that motherhood was going to be my vocation. I am the first of my university friends to have children, but I have absolutely no regrets.’

Feminists may prickle at her choice, but Ellen is unrepentant. ‘I have always wanted to be a wife and mother,’ she says. ‘My priority in life is to create a welcoming, warm home and have home-cooked food on the table.

‘My mother, a speech therapist, tried to combine work and motherhood but she found it really stressful so I decided it wasn’t even worth trying.

‘It’s a steep learning curve living on one salary, but it’s not impossible.’

History graduate Kate Wheatcroft is also prepared to make financial sacrifices in order to pursue motherhood.

‘I just laugh when people try and patronise me, because I feel that what I am doing is the most worthwhile thing,’ says the 26-year-old from Bolton who is married to Paul, 28, a mortgage advisor.

‘I could be earning a fortune – but then I would be paying someone a fortune to look after my children.’

The number of women giving birth over 35 has tripled since the Eighties as women delay motherhood to pursue a career. But Kate was not prepared to wait. She was 22 when she had her son Finlay, now four.

‘A lot of my friends thought I was too young to be settling down and that I was wasting my degree. But I get job satisfaction out of seeing my son develop and grow.

Kate, who is due to give birth to her second child in six weeks, adds: ‘The idea of leaving him with someone far less qualified than me while I go out to work doesn’t make any sense.

‘My education wasn’t for nothing. I use what I learnt to make learning fun for him. We do so much together – swimming, football , tennis, playgroups, music groups and pre-school clubs.

‘I love it at night, when we snuggle up and read books together. Paul agrees that I’ve made the right choice for all of us. ‘We don’t have many meals out or designer clothes, but none of that is important to me. We live in a two-bedroom cottage, and we would love a bigger house, but we’ll have to wait.

‘Everyone has got so used to having everything they need in consumer terms, but I think you value things much more if you have to wait for them and save.’

‘It’s funny, but all my high-powered friends are now rather jealous of me in this lovely weather – I’ll be planning a day in the park with Finlay while they are sitting in a hot office.

‘People may might it hard to understand in this money-driven, consumer society, but I am very content.’ Kate is proud to be a trailblazer for other women who long to give up their jobs and live the Cath Kidston dream.

And so she should be, says Jill Kirby, director of the Westminster think tank the Centre for Policy Studies, who describes this new take on the work/life balance as ‘maternal feminism’.

She explains: ‘Feminism shouldn’t be defined purely in terms of the work place. I think a very important part of choice for women is the ability to devote time to children and motherhood, too.

‘ Women who are choosing motherhood early and saving their careers for later are becoming mothers at a time of peak fertility and also the time when they have the energy and the enthusiasm to enjoy their children.

‘Children have really lost out by being parcelled up into day care. Surveys show that young children thrive through getting one-to-one care from a loving adult.

‘Mums are best placed to do that.’ English graduate Poppy Pickles is another highly- educated young mother who is adamant that she doesn’t want anyone else looking after her children Daniel, five, and Rosanna, three.

She says: ‘I worked hard at school and I enjoyed university but I never saw myself as having a high-flying-career, leaving my children to be looked after by someone else.

‘The best person to look after my children is me. They are both very secure, very loved children, and they take me entirely for granted – which is what I want.

‘They know Mummy is always here, and always at home for them.’

Poppy worked at Sotheby’s auction house as a researcher for a year after graduating, but she gave up her job without hesitation when she married James, a journalist, when she was 22.

The couple live in a three-bedroom Seventies house, which they bought with help from their families. They also keep to a budget – they haven’t had a foreign holiday for six years, for example – but Poppy insists they are very content with their lives.

‘The children don’t need expensive holidays to be happy. We take them down to the Kent coast or to James’s family home in Scotland so I don’t feel they are missing out. In fact, their lives are far richer.

‘James and I have been together since I was 17 and I just knew he was “the one”. There was no point waiting to start a family. I think being a young mum is fabulous – I have my family now, before I’m 30.

‘By the time we are 40 we’ll have the freedom to go off travelling together and still have a life.

‘I may pick up a career at that stage to bring some extra money in but it’s not a burning ambition.’ Poppy is convinced she is far happier than she would be as a career women dogged by the stresses and strains of juggling work commitments with housework and childcare.

‘I also think it’s good for my relationship,’ says Poppy. ‘James says he loves coming home, walking back from the station, knowing that there will be a home-cooked meal on the table and the children will be bathed and happy after spending a busy day with me.’

She adds: ‘I don’t feel as if feminism has passed me by – surely it is every woman’s right to choose. I choose to be at home.

‘It’s made our lives very straightforward – I’m not tired at the end of a day’s work, and I can devote myself to being a wife as well as a mother.’

She doesn’t even dread that inevitable dinner party moment when she reveals she’s a housewife and mother. ‘It makes me laugh when people say to me, rather pompously, at dinner parties: “And what do you do?”

‘I am not going to apologise for being a stay-at-home mum and yet people can look at you in such a pitying way, as if you’re sacrificing your ambition for the sake of your children and letting the sisterhood down.

‘Not everyone fits the mould of career woman and we shouldn’t have to apologise for it.

‘I know it makes me sound like a Fifties housewife, but I love my life. I want to see my children’s first steps, hear their first words, and be there to take them to school and pick them up.

‘Those tiny moments in the day are so valuable to children, and you can never get them back.’