Fact: I'm a doubting Thomas. Yes, it's true. I'm the queen of worry warts.
This is something I am always battling. Whenever an oppurtunity arises or a life change occurs I automatically assume the worst.
Example: Jonathan and I are engaged and looking for our first jobs before the wedding. I automatically think that neither one of us is going to get a job and we'll have zero source of income come the wedding day. Fact: We both got jobs a whole month before the wedding so we had 2 incomes come the wedding day.
I mean, this happens ALL the time with me. I assume the worst always...in trying to find our first apartment, with buying our first house, getting art jobs, changing to a part time job, paying for Jonathan's grad school, trying to get pregnant...the list goes on.
Where does all of this stem from?
God is perfection and I am NOT so therefore I think I don't deserve to have God's blessings...because honestly I don't deserve it. But, if God only gave blessings to those deserving, then NONE of us would ever be blessed.
I fully understand that God blesses our lives despite our track record. I fully understand that God keeps his word and fulfills his promises. Because I know these things I started to keep a "Thankful Journal". All I do is, everyday, I write down what I am thankful for just as daily reminder but I wanted something visual so I created a "Fulfilled Promises" jar. (This was a suggestion in a recent sunday school lesson...I can't take credit for it.)
I used some left over scrapbook paper to write MAJOR blessings on to remind myself that although I am a sinner God does amazing things in my life. So, when I begin to doubt what's going on in my life I can look at the jar and remember all God has fulfilled for Jonathan and I.
Here is a close up of the jar. I narrowed it down to things that have happened since Jonathan and I have been engaged.
I have it on the dining table so I can see it everyday and easily read through them if I want to.
And, here is an example. Yes, as soon as I decided I wanted to try and have a baby I assumed I would never be able to get pregnant...for no reason. Again, I always assume the worst but never once has God let me down...ever.
Maybe this will inspire someone else to create their own blessing jar...or, maybe nobody else struggles with this like I do.