The Journey to Our Second

April 3, 2016

Here is the time line of me getting pregnant with our second sweet baby.

(This is a really long post.  When I started this post I had NO IDEA it would turn into such a long process!  This is mainly just for me.  Don't feel compelled to read it.)

March 12th 2013 - I had my Mirena removed
March 14th - I had a large cervical polyp removed.  All tests came back normal on that.

I begin to track my cycles because I don't want to get pregnant just yet.  I want to make sure everything returns to normal and we're trying for 3 years apart or more for the kiddos.

June 2013 - We decide it's ok if I get pregnant now so I reverse my tracking BUT I get sick and am literally sleeping on the couch for the next 2 weeks because I am coughing SO much!  Then, I get better but I go out of town for girl's weekend.  So, June doesn't count.  The timing is no where near right and we decide to just wait it out.  I know that sounds crazy to some but there are only like one or two days a month you can get pregnant (if you track your cycles) so if you miss your window it's pointless.

July - OFFICIALLY wanting to try for a baby although Jonathan is in town for one day of our "window" (gone 5 days!) but I guess I have to start counting the months at some point.  So, July is a month where I'm like, could work or the timing could be totally off again because of one thing or another.  Clearly, at this point we're not in any kind of hurry for this.  Remember, we're living in my mom and stepdad's house with no home prospects.  So July is kind of where I start counting...

August - So this month I start to doubt wanting a second child right now but we trek on and this is the first month that the timing has actually worked out. I just feel SO content with where we are right now with Georgia.  I don't want an only child but at the same time I don't want to split her time either.  And, we still haven't found a house so no house and no baby are ok with me.  Some how these two things need to coincide :/


Lots of months baby and no house.  They seem to go hand in hand.  Dealing with no house and no baby is honestly A LOT for me to handle.  Kind of like my life is going nowhere.  Obviously that's not the case but let's just say it's really hard.

November - At this point we're about 5 months in and my well check rolls around.  I told my dr that we are in our 5th month and she says not to stress BUT if we get to mid January with no pregnancy then she wants me to come in for tests.  She says she expects me to come in before that and be pregnant and to just take it easy.  I'm expecting that it's because both mine and Jonathan's moms had hard times getting pregnant.  I figure that she tells me I'll probably be pregnant before then just so I won't worry.  She really has no way of knowing.

December - We (think we) get a house so automatically a lot of pressure is off.  One of my boxes is checked (so we thought).  Honestly, other people put more pressure on me than I put on myself.  I am SO sick of being asked when I'll get pregnant, when we're having another one...and so on and so on.  Even Georgia asks me where her sister is?!  FYI, NEVER ask someone when they plan on having another child or if they want more kids.  You never know what they're going through.

January - This month is a big month for us.  Seven months in.  This is the deadline month from my doctor.  Turns out I didn't get pregnant by the time she would have liked so I make my first "secondary infertility" appointment.  (With second pregnancies they like to get tests started sooner when you had previously gotten pregnant with ease)  And on top of that our house progress is slow going.  Our closing date was December 30th and that came and went.  It was just a big mess.

On January 23rd and 30th I had blood work done to determine if I was ovulating.  I had not on the 23rd but by the 30th I had.  So, it's good that I do ovulate but I thought I was ovulating earlier than I actually was.  So, a lot of our timing has been off.  With Georgia I ovulated around day 18 which is latter than the norm but my symptoms were in line with that and I knew that was happening.  This time around my app and my symptoms were both lining up with the 11th for ovulation which is earlier than the norm.  So, after this blood work I realized my symptoms/app were not in line with what my body was actually doing.  I would have symptoms a full 5 days before I ovulated.  At this point I feel like I've been wasting a lot of time and kind of just stupid.  But, I know it's God's plan and not mine.

February - This month is a good month in the sense that we begin to get more answers not in the sense that we've been trying for 9 months now.  All Jonathan's test come back normal.  So, on paper we are "perfectly fertile".  Good to know.  On the 20th I met with my Dr. about clomid though.  Although I do ovulate I may not be ovulating at the correct time (the home buying stress could be to blame).  She also put me on a "supplement" to support fertility.  I started taking it on the 21st and we'll wait on the clomid until March if I need it.  I made a six month plan with my dr.  It feels good to have a plan but kind of odd too.  We also find out this month that our home plans are not going to work.  So back to square one on that.

March - I started clomid this month.  Let me just say that is the devil's drug.  Actually I am the only person I know of who (and I have A LOT of friends who have taken in) got that violently ill.  You only take it for 5 days but oh Lord it was awful.  Day 1 and 2 were great.  Day 3 I got nauseous.  Day 4 more nausea.  Day 5 I threw up uncontrollably from 4pm to 11pm.  A few of those hours I was home alone with Georgia.  Very fun.  Eventually I caved and had my brother get me a prescription and fell asleep at 11:30 and woke up the next morning fine.  Then the nausea came back and lasted off and on for nearly the entire month.  I went in for my 21 day progesterone check.  Last month my number was 14 although way past day 21 (normal) this month mine was 54 (very high).  My nurse told me to take a home pregnancy test (five days before I was set to start) and it was negative so they made me come in for blood work because that is more sensitive since my levels were so high.

Well, I knew I wasn't pregnant before my blood work came in so that was a waste and a let down.  Kind of seems like a cruel joke for the doctor's office to call me at all.  Really frustrating.

April - WOW.  We're in our 11th month now.  And all time low.  Also, even though I had originally decided to not continue with clomid my nurse talked me into doing it for at least another month but with Zofran for nausea.  It's non drowsy so that's much better.  So far no nausea and not wanting to fall asleep every few minutes.

We thought April was our month...turns out I had a chemical pregnancy/miscarriage.  Huge low point for me.

May - I'm still dealing with the chemical pregnancy/miscarriage issues so no clomid this month.  Still bummed but it is comforting knowing it was nothing I did.  Most likely the cells did not divide properly causing the pregnancy to not be viable.  Just totally random.  Over all I'm feeling angry and disappointed...kind of beat up and wanting to give up.  A totally kick me while I'm down moment.

June - This time around I'm late.  REALLY late.  More than 6 days late.  Negative pregnancy test.  So, just to review: high progesterone levels but not pregnant in March, positive test in April, chemical pregnancy in May, late but not pregnant in June.  I don't really have the words to describe the frustration and heartbreak.  It's just awful.

July - House progress is making the infertility situation more bearable.  It's not at the forefront of my mind all the time.  Had a really strange dream this month about getting a positive pregnancy test on September 9th (meaning I got pregnant in August) which is strange because I got my positive test with Georgia on September 10th.  We'll see what happens in the coming months.  I do feel bad this month about being so disconnected from people.  I unfollowed most pregnant people on Facebook and Bloglovin' and don't check instagram, just post occasionally.  Pregnant people just make me sad.  Not jealous or angry but just sad.  Although pregnant people who complain about being pregnant make my blood boil.  Just stop.

{Officially been trying for a year now}

August - WOW.  It's August.  This is a really long journey.  Completed my second round of clomid since the chemical pregnancy.  So, my third month on it and it went really well.  Didn't get sick from it or anything like that.

September - Jonathan and I decided, that for now, I should be done with clomid.  I ovulate on my own so we'll see what happens.  And, I did ovulate on my own...on day 16 so that's good.  A nice normal number even when I'm not on clomid.  I already take thyroid hormones so I was never that fond of the idea of taking another hormone type pill.  But, yet again it just wasn't our month.

and, pretty heartbroken about it.

This was the month we decided not to "try" so I didn't chart my days or anything...didn't work.  Dumb advice.

-our 18 month marker-

I felt very hopeful in the month of December and the way the numbers fell during that long month I actually ovulated twice.  I do continue to feel hopeful because it's a new year and I very much feel surrounded by love and prayers.  It's not easy though. While I know in my heart I will get pregnant my heart and my head battle it out daily...hourly.  It's a horrible cycle.  I've met several people though who give me hope or comfort and that really helps.  I just can't wait to meet this little person we've prayed so hard for.

This is the first time I've gotten to the point where I really feel like I'm trying not to be mad at God.  I'm fighting it really hard because Jonathan and I both thought this would be it...and it isn't.  Although we keep getting this feeling about twins...oh.LORD.

Glad it's a short month.  January is an entirely too long of a month.

So glad it's March.  The weather has been so dreary.  I'm excited for a new season!

April 1st - POSITIVE test!  But, it wasn't meant to be. (look closely.  the line is there.  this was taken at 3.5 weeks)

We made it to 10 weeks 1 day (we think) with this pregnancy.  I went to my 10 week appointment and there was no heartbeat.  The baby had stopped growing at 9 weeks.  Devastation.  Again.  So, now two years in a row I've had miscarriages in May.  If Georgia's birthday wasn't in May, then May would have no redeaming qualities.  I probably lost the baby on May14th and last year's was on the 15th.
You can read more about that HERE

I'm cleared to start "trying" again.

Positive pregnancy test on Christmas day!!!

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