For Granted

August 27, 2014

I take Georgia for granted all the time in a totally unintentional way.  But I do.  And, I never realized I did until other mothers said something about it.  Not in the way you would think though.

Most of y'all know that Jonathan and I have been trying to have another child.  For over a year now, and suffered through a miscarriage this past May, we have wanted to grow our family.  All I can focus on is the negative and I'll be the first to say that infertility has a whole lot of negativity involved in it.

One day I was leaving ballet and I mentioned Georgia and I were going to Barnes and Noble to get a book and cupcake for her upcoming birthday.  Another mother (who knows what I'm going through specifically and has dealt with the loss of a child) said to me that I was so lucky to be able to do that.  She went on to say that her three kids were too close in age to be able to do something like that. She explained that I was so lucky to be able to have so much one on one time with Georgia because she never gets that much time with her oldest (who is Georgia's age).

Then, another mother jokingly mentioned that I made her feel guilty (she did NOT mean it in a rude way, I swear!) because her fourth child, who is Georgia's age, has NO pictures up in their house but I have an entire wall of just Georgia. (This mother actually doesn't know anything about my fertility issues).

And, in looking at my own mother's experience with infertility she had 7.5 years with just my oldest brother (and I say this with no ill feelings) and her and him just have a different bond than us younger two siblings.  (Had Travis, 7.5 years later they finally decided to adopt, and then whoops - 9 months later she got pregnant with me!)  I never really got it until I had Georgia but my mom and Travis had a lot of one on one time.  Not that she loves him more than me or Austin but they're just a good way and I totally get it.

God has me and Jonathan's family planned already.  He knows when I'll get pregnant again and in the mean time he's gifted me this alone time with Georgia.  One on one time to do whatever we want whenever we want.  I also have plenty of time to myself and I'm very well rested!  Which are both huge pluses to me!

So, I do know that this specific time right now with Georgia is a gift.  Whether or not I ever realize what all this waiting is for...I may never know.  But, when all is said and done I hope (really hope) that I can look back on this time with Georgia fondly since I will never get this time back.  So many people have to wait through infertility with no baby, at least I get to wait through it with Georgia :)

I was 6 weeks pregnant in this picture.  I hated this picture for awhile.


Steph said...

Great perspective!

I had a lot of one on one time with my son (he's now 14) because his dad and I divorced when he was 2.5. I didn't meet my now husband until my son was 7 and he was 10 before I had my next baby. (I miscarried when he was 9). I cherish that time when it was just my son and myself. We do have a bond that is different than that with my daughters. In just 4 short years, he will be leaving for college...

You're exactly right, you never get the time back. I wish you the best and peace during your journey...

Jonathan Powell said...

I love you.

Luanne said...

So beautiful! What a great way to look at this. Praying that God gives you great memories as a family of 3!

stephanie said...

It is so great that you were able to embrace this realization. I can tell that you are finding true peace through all of this.

Sarah C. said...

Just wanted to say thank you for this reminder. I lost my sweet second-born son Theodore 2 months ago - he was stillborn at 39 weeks. I was so looking forward to watching my 2 and a half year old, Judah, become a big brother. We will always mourn the loss of Theodore and miss him. But at the same time... life is still a gift to be lived... and I get to pour all my attention and time as a stay at home momma into my Judah. This pain and grief of loss will always be with me. I will always long to have both my sons with me. But that was not God's plan, as much as I struggle to understand it. So... thank you again for the reminder to live the life I've been given.


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